“THE BEASTS OF CONAN’S PAST REAR THEIR FEARSOME HEADS! Gigantic spiders, man-apes, human-faced serpents, godlike aliens…CONAN has faced them all and lived to tell the tale! But as these creatures from the past return, do they presage a doom yet to come – one Conan is powerless to stop? Don’t miss this surprising turn on the march to the climax of the epic “LIFE AND DEATH OF CONAN”! PLUS: The next chapter in the all-new novella ‘BLACK STARLIGHT’!”

By BOB FREEMAN – PM Library Writer

I just closed the issue with a resounding sigh. Leviagod? Really? How did editorial ever sign off on this? Oh, I know. It’s the same group who thought Avengers: No Road Home and Savage Avengers were good ideas. Editorial is a milkmaid and Conan is the cow.

I feel like I’m beating the same old drum. Conan the Barbarian is a terrible comic. Jason Aaron’s prose is just abysmal. Mahmud Asrar’s art is merely serviceable in that for every brilliant panel there are two or three he must have drawn while sleepwalking.

I get it. Comics are hard.

I’m reminded of a Frank Frazetta interview with Gary Groth in The Comics Journal several years back:

Did you ever have the desire to go back and do a comic?

“No. Not at all. I love it, but, come on, I’m not going to sit there doing a continuity strip. It’s silly. In the time it takes to do that, I could do 10 paintings, for Christ’s sake. It’s silly. Fans have been bugging me for years: “Why don’t you do your own comic book?” Easy for them to say! It’s a lot of work. I know guys like Gray Morrow; he just loves that. He’d rather do that than anything.”

Is it because you find more satisfaction with painting?

“Well, sure, and it’s the response. First of all, I like to compose a whole picture, and there’s no way you can do that if you’ve got an ongoing strip. You’ve got to find short cuts. It’s fun; sure, it’s a lot of fun — for those who buy them and read them. But from my point of view, it’s ridiculous. I want to do a whole picture and make it as perfectly composed as I can do it. And you can’t do that with comics or you’d be there forever. Unless you’re trying to prove a point. But the whole idea is just silly. It’s not very rewarding. It certainly doesn’t pay very much. If I could do a full-color comic book, and make every panel like I do my paintings, it would just blow the world right off its axis. But it would only take me 20 years! [Groth Laughs.] To hell with that!”

———

Look, I don’t want to be that guy — the old guy grumbling about how much better comics were when I was a kid. But let’s face facts — they were. They were written better. They were drawn better. Across the board? Of course not. I can point out several creators and books that are nailing it. Conan the Barbarian is not one of them.

Lest you think I am against Marvel’s relaunch of Conan completely and unjustly, I point to Jim Zub and Patrick Zircher’s current run on Savage Sword, or Conan the Barbarian: Exodus by Esad Ribic, both of which I support wholeheartedly.

There’s a germ of a good idea in Aaron’s “The God Below”, but the prose is awkward. Having the Cimmerian face a parade of past foes is terrific on the surface, and there are moments when Asrar really brings the story to life, but in the end, it just wasn’t a Conan story, and that’s what I’m here for.

Do I mind a pastiche? Not in the slightest, but Robert E. Howard was a master storyteller. If you want to climb into that ring you have to elevate your game. Unfortunately, Aaron and Asrar can barely see the arena from where they’re sitting.

Our punishment lasts only three more issues, then hopefully a new creative team will return Conan the Barbarian to the glorious and savage heights we, and he, deserves.