“Journey into the Hyborian Age with Valeria, the hero from Robert E. Howard’s classic CONAN story “Red Nails,” on an all-new quest set before the fan-favorite tale! Before her careers as a pirate and mercenary and before she crossed paths with the Red Brotherhood and the likes of Conan of Cimmeria, Valeria was a young woman from Aquilonia, seeking justice for a crime gone unpunished. But as the formidable Valeria makes her way in this world, proving her capability against those who doubt her abilities as a young woman, she will find more than she bargained for in her thirst for revenge. Her deadly fighting skills will be put to the test and her trust will be shaken as she hunts her brother’s killer and comes into her own as a force to be reckoned with in the Hyborian Age!”

By WALLY MONK – Paint Monk’s Library Editor

Nothing could be as close to garbage as the fare served up by the creative team on Age of Conan: Belit, so it was with some trepidation that I purchased the first issue of Age of Conan: Valeria, hoping that Marvel’s next outing might be worth reading.

It wasn’t.

Just like Tini Howard and Kate Niemczyk massacred the beloved She-Pirate Belit in their five-issue debacle, it looks as if the team of Meredith Finch and Aneke have sharpened the butcher knives and prepped the industrial freezer for another helping of a chopped up and bloodied Hyborian heroine.

If it sounds like I’m a little frazzled with much of Marvel’s Conan lineup, it’s because I am. It appears someone at the House of Ideas has come to the conclusion that people want to read “modern girl power” and “teen” interpretations of classic sword-and-sorcery characters. Here, we’re presented with a younger version of Valeria who could very well be the Hyborian age version of Archie Comic’s Betty (with Age of Conan: Belit serving as Marvel’s version of Veronica).

The young Valeria loves cats. She’s mad because her brother doesn’t like her. Sigh. If they’re looking to attract teenage girl readers, this fare might work. If they’re looking to appeal to a mainstream Conan audience, they’ve missed the mark so terribly they wound up shooting the neighbor down the street instead.

Valeria, as an older woman in the comic, is good at verbally sparring with flirtatious pickpockets and a level-headed bartender. But this story turns Valeria into just another pretty face with an attitude, a trope that is getting very, very tired in Marvel Comics at this point. It’s almost as if making women powerful and assertive is the only thing that matters in these tales, the rest of the story be damned. You could practically exchange Belit for Valeria in this story, with the exception of their hair color (and the fact that Valeria doesn’t kill her father, someone else does).

Tired tropes aside, Finch’s writing is much better than that of Howard in AoC: Belit, and Aneke’s artwork is touch and go. Some of the flashback scenes early in the book are excellent…and then we have the kitty-cat artwork pictured above. The story overall just isn’t engaging in the least.

AoC: Valeria #1 was a big disappointment. On a scale of 1-10, I give it a 3.5, and that’s only because Meredith Finch’s writing is good, even if the story is lousy. A hard pass, and I will decide next month whether or not I will continue reviewing the series. Roy Thomas, where are you when we need you?