Paint Monk’s Library Will Return to Normal Next Week (October 8)
This good old Monty Python video sums up the last week for your humble host here at the Library.
Dedicated scribes are busy continuing to work on new posts, and our regular scribbling will continue beginning this Saturday, when Bob Freeman takes over “Saturday Night Shivers!” Countdown to Conan will also resume on Monday, October 8 with Dean Plakas’ review of Conan the Barbarian #62.
Review: Conan the Barbarian #61 – “On the Track of the She-Pirate”
Conan the Barbarian #61 “On the Track of the She Pirate”
(EDITOR’S NOTE:
Welcome to Countdown to Conan,
a series ringing in the return of Robert E. Howard’s popular
Cimmerian to Marvel Comics. We’ll be reviewing issues of Marvel’s
original Conan the
Barbarian series weekly
until Marvel releases their first new Conan comic books in 2019. This
review is written by new blogger Andy
Maglothin. Welcome to the library, Andy!)
The cover speaks
volumes and foreshdows the action you’ll find in this issue (and a bit of a
spoiler) as Bêlit is captured by a giant killer moth! Featuring
Gil Kane’s distinct work, we see Conan springing into action to
assist the Shemite hellcat as she struggles against the mammoth insect.
But
wait…what’s that in the corner…? A massive hand holding a
dagger – it’s the hand of Amra. This is going to be good.
Conan the Barbarian #61 continues the tale of Bêlit’s kidnapping and Conan’s quest to rescue her from the crocodile riders.
Review: Conan the Barbarian #61
Our story begins with an angry, vengeful Conan vowing to find Bêlit.
Since Ombassa and
the Watambi have been at war with the dragon riders, Ombassa offers men to
assist Conan and the Black Corsairs. Kawaku, one of the Corsairs,
objects and does not want to send men on the mission – we soon discover that Bêlit overthrew the Uzumi council. This disagreement leads to a face-off
between Kawaku and Conan.
Angry and not wishing to waste time, Conan
does not capitulate and takes Kawaku down, forcing him to pick a side.
Ultimately, Conan sends him back to man the Tigress. As a reader, I
think Conan did not trust him, knowing things would get sticky and not wanting a traitor in his midst.
Before departing deep into the jungle,
N’Yaga provides Conan with a potion to protect him from jungle sickness and disease. During their discussion,
Conan asks N’Yaga why he did not rule the throne. N’Yaga’s
response is the classic answer of people who work behind the scenes – why
be the leader when I can control the leader?
Ombassa blesses Conan and the men prior
to their departure. We see a reflective moment for Conan as he thinks
about the way of the jungle – how every creature is a predator, but
regardless of the size, there is always a bigger threat.
Conan and company start the long,
intense trek through the jungle, encountering plenty of animal
species and an unfriendly environment. The Cimmerian ponders the
root cause of this journey… Bêlit. In a powerful two-page spread we see the other women who have impacted Conan’s life: Red
Sonja, Jenna, Melissandra, Amytis and Zephra to name a few. But none hold
the same place in his heart as Bêlit. It appears as if Conan has finally fallen in love in earnest!
At the same time, Bêlit is daydreaming
about Conan and her passion for him. She is startled to reality by
the motion of movement, as she realizes she is riding on the back of the giant crocodile. A restrained
Bêlit taunts and challenges the man who has captured her, because he cowers in fear to
Amra! The dark-skinned dragon rider backhands her. Bêlit continues to taunt him as
a distraction, while she whittles her bindings on one of the
crocodile’s sharp protrusions. Eventually freeing herself, Bêlit dives into the
water.
The dragon riders give chase, but to no avail; she swims and
moves on land too quickly. The hellcat from Shem eventually climbs to higher ground and
decides to rest for the evening.
Eventually, the dragon riders give up the chase and
decide to camp for the night. As they relax, Conan
stumbles upon the camp and stealthily sneaks around the perimeter, sprinkling a powder N’Yaga provided. Conan ignites the compound
causing a huge blaze and chaos to those trapped inside the flames.
The chaos causes the crocs to attack and trample the humans. Add in
the Corsair warriors volleying arrows into the mix and the dragon riders are handily defeated.
Conan and company find a surviving member – the leader
of the dragon riders. Conan interrogates him about Bêlit’s
whereabouts, but he confesses that she escaped and they were looking for
her too.
Nearby, Bêlit is resting, and a giant moth
attacks her. She fights, but is overcome by the giant insect.
We see hands
grab the moth’s head from behind, and using a knife, behead the
beast. Bêlit assumes it is Conan, but on the final page, it is
revealed to be Amra.
CAPSULE REVIEW: The opening page hooked me. Conan’s
vow to make the dragon riders pay and leave them “bleeding
in the loathsome pits of Hell!” Sounds like a plan to me. My
curiosity is piqued…let’s do this. We also learn a bit
about Bêlit’s claims and her rule over the Corsairs, the
love she shares with Conan, and her fighting skills.
Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Or in this case, the lyrics for “To All the Girls I Loved Before” or
this story written by Thomas. When I read the panel describing
Conan’s past relationships, that’s the first thing that popped in my
mind. Listen below, while looking over the two-page spread of Conan’s past…
N’Yaga’s chemist skills are on
display, both as a medical provider and battle-mage.
Conan’s stealth approach to the unsuspecting dragon riders shows he
is more than just brute force.
Although displayed on the cover, the
giant moth creature plays a minor (but important) role in the story.
It helped introduce Amra to the reader and to Bêlit, providing a cliffhanger that’s got me eager to read the next issue.
Thomas’ ability to move the story
along but point out key elements is on display in this issue. There’s
no wasted or unnecessary dialog or component. He provides character
development through conversations between characters and not a lot of
thought bubbles or rationale for character actions.
As the reader, we
see the character’s actions and are able to interpret their
motivations.
The artwork by Buscema and Gan is
what you would expect from this team. The characters are distinct,
recognizable and their emotions are conveyed through the art. The
backgrounds are illustrated to show the treacherous journey through
the jungle. Action shots are easy to follow, allowing the reader
to scan the work and move to the next panel with ease.
This is a must-have issue showing Conan’s devotion to Bêlit with a solid balance between story and action. On a scale of 1-10, I give it 7 Aquilonian Luna. On eBay, copies of this issue were common and available for less than $10.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Special thanks to Don Chin for providing unseen artwork and sharing story concepts and never-before-heard “hamster news” withPaint Monk’s Library. If you enjoyed this interview, Don told me he always welcomes care packages of sunflower seeds and carrot-shaped chew sticks, with an occasional piece of lettuce thrown in for good measure.)
By WALLY MONK – Paint Monk’s Library Editor
WALLY MONK
So how long did it take the writer in you to realize that hamsters could be just as tough as turtles?
DON CHIN
“I had a few hamsters as pets growing up, and while most people think they’re all furry and cuddly, they can also be quite vicious and bite you if they’re not in a good mood. You actually need to separate them, as they are solitary animals. Otherwise, they will fight and be quite nasty to one another. So, if a pet hamster had to go against a pet turtle, I’d put my money on the ticked off hamster!” (laughs)
WALLY MONK
Had you been writing comics beforehand, or was ARBBH your first title?
DON CHIN
“Prior to ARBBH being published, I had done some self-publishing in the early 1980s in high school and after I graduated in a local Eureka, CA-based anthology called Overload, the Fantasy-Humor Magazine. My parents kindly gave us the start-up funds to launch it. We did five issues total, and Parsonavich, whom I met in a high school cartooning class, was also into that. It was kind of a mash-up of Heavy Metal magazine and Mad magazine. I also did some underground/new wave mini comix with Bay Area publisher Clay Geerdes, which I also illustrated in the 1980s. My first professional work was in a few issues of Cracked Magazine, starting with about issue #200 in 1983.”
Don’s first professional work was published in a 1983 issue of CRACKED magazine.
WALLY MONK
Please tell me a little bit about the creative process and what made you think hamsters would be a hit. They aren’t slimy like turtles, after all. Did you dream of ninja-hamsters when you were a young kid reading comic books?
DON CHIN
“The creative process for me and comics came pretty easily. I think I was blessed with an overly active creative mind and remember drawing comics as a youth on binder paper as well as making amateur sci-fi and comedy movies with my friends using a Super 8mm camera. I grew up watching a lot of now vintage Saturday Night Live TV shows, Mel Brooks comedies like Young Frankenstein and Silent Movie, and silly movies like “Airplane!” which you can see the the influence of that movie in the first issue of ARBBH when the hamsters wind up on a commercial jetline and all sorts of hijinks occur.
I owned a comic book store when I was in college and had seen that this small press book by Eastman and Laird called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was taking off like wildfire. I had a chance to check it out and really liked it, as it was basically a funny animal spoof of Marvel Comics’ Daredevil and Ronin by Frank Miller. I was doodling in a college class and thought to myself, “I wonder what it would be like to do a parody of a parody?” As far as I know, it wasn’t done before. So I just took each adjective of TMNT and tweaked it, and because of my love-hate relationship with hamsters, it seemed like the best animal to use.”
DON CHIN
ARBBH was a “parody of a parody.”
WALLY MONK
Clint, Jackie, Chuck and Bruce. I’m guessing they were all named after their martial arts alter-egos. Can you share a little bit about how the characters were created – or what inspired each of them individually (beyond the obvious references?)
DON CHIN
“Yes, good guess on the names. I was a big martial arts movie fan growing up in the 70s and Bruce Lee was a cinematic hero. The first three hamsters, Bruce (inspired by Bruce Lee), Chuck (Chuck Norris) and Jackie (Jackie Chan) were of course named after those kung-fu mega stars and their hamster personalities were shaped in the same ways to their human counterparts.
“Go ahead. Make me into a hamster parody.”
Bruce is super smart and intellectual, Chuck is kind of a quiet, cool spiritually-centered guy and the voice of reason most of the time, and Jackie was downright silly and youthful like Jackie Chan was in most of his movies.
Because there were four turtles, I couldn’t have just three hamsters, and I was struggling to think of another martial arts star. Then I remembered Clint Eastwood’s “Dirty Harry” cop movies, and thought throwing out a wildcard of sorts would be fun. Clint doesn’t do that much kung-fu…he’s kind of lazy, likes to party, and would rather shoot someone than fight.
I think most people like Clint the best because he’s so unorthodox and obnoxious, but at the same time you’d want him on your side. And just to make it more bizarre, I thought he should look like a punk rocker that resembled a Sex Pistols reject.”
WALLY MONK
Parsonavich was an odd choice for an artist on the comic, but his artwork was endearing in its simplicity when it came to the hammies. What appealed to you about Patrick Parsons’ artistic style that made him a good fit for ARBBH?
DON CHIN
“I probably chose Parsonavich to illustrate ARBBH because he was cheap and local (laughs). Patrick Parsons, his real name (not Chris, as some internet sites have reported it is) was my frequent collaborator on a lot of projects prior to ARBBH and he brought a weird and funky underground vibe to the characters.
Parsonavich, AKA Patrick David Parsons in his younger hamster days.
We had both grown up admiring non-mainstream comic creators like Moebius, underground legend Robert Crumb, John Pound (who lived in our hometown of Eureka) and Gilbert Shelton, who did the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers and Fat Freddy’s Cat. I think it’s kind of funny that they don’t really look like traditional furry cute hamsters, but kind of sickly and abnormal. Cosmic Radioactive Jello will do that to you!
Par and I are polar opposites in our social circles and upbringing…he’s kind of this Boehemian agnostic hippy dude and I’m more of a conservative, church-going type of guy but we both had a great love for comics in common. I have always been in awe of his talent, his intricate line-work in the Hamsters was pretty cool and organic, and he was asked to cram a lot of story into our first issue and subsequent books, #2, #4 and #5.
Anyways, in my opinion he was the best person for the job because I knew he drew humor cartoons well and could best emulate the undergound feel that TMNT had brought into their books.”
WALLY MONK
When Parsonavich left ARBBH, what did you look for in a replacement?
DON CHIN
“I was sad to see Parsonavich leave the book, but our publisher – Eclipse Comics – really wanted it to be a regular, ongoing title and it was too much work for Par to do all of the pencils, inks, lettering and covers.
Mike Dringenberg and Sam Kieth would go on to DC Comics, working with Neil Gaiman on Sandman.
Neither of us had been asked to work on a regular title before, so it was quite an undertaking. After he left, a couple guys I had met through self-publishing and from going to comic cons came to mind as possible replacements. Mike Dringenberg had inked a fill-in issue (#3) and did the cover for ARBBH #5 and also worked on inking Clint: The Hamster Triumphant mini-series drawn by Ken Meyer, Jr.
He is a tremendous artist and was just breaking into the business. Mike and I eventually did a fantasy series for Eclipse called “Enchanter” in 1987 while ARBBH was still being published.
I had also been a fan of Matt Wagner’s Mage series that Comico did and had met Mage inker Sam Kieth, whose own work was kind of toony and fun. Sam got the job starting as the illustrator of issue #6-on until the first series ended.
Cool story – shortly after ARBBH and Enchanter ended with Eclipse, Sam and Mike both got to create the cult sensation Sandman with Neil Gaiman for DC’s Vertigo comics.”
WALLY MONK
What were the initial sales of ARBBH like at the time? Were you surprised? Disappointed?
DON CHIN
“I think Eclipse and I were both surprised when the orders for ARBBH #1 came in. I actually published and printed the first issue at a local printer with a loan from my parents, as Eclipse just wanted to act as a distributing vehicle for the book.
The first printing of ARBBH #1 sold over 50K copies.
The first issue sold well over 50,000 copies and a second printing was probably close to 25,000 copies. That was a lot of orders for a black and white book, so when we saw the positive sales and positive reaction to the book, we decided that we should keep it going. After issue #2, Eclipse was onboard as the publisher of the book.
I was pretty excited at the time, as two dreams of mine were being met. I was writing a popular title and i was getting paid well to do comics. I was able to put a down payment on a house from the proceeds from ARBBH, so that was nice.”
WALLY MONK
And what was your goal, or vision, for the series and the characters?
DON CHIN
“I was hoping it could be a long-running title like TNMT and perhaps get an animated TV show or movie deal and merchandising like the Turtles, but that wasn’t in the cards.
Rankin-Bass, producers of the animated Hobbit movie, took out options on ARBBH.
We were optioned by Rankin-Bass Animation (the people who did “The Hobbit”) early on, but they went out of business. I also got to speak with other people in the animation business like Lou Scheimer, who produced Fat Albert and He-Man. He had a pretty cool house!
Anyways, I wanted to take the characters on a more serious path, so the later Sam Kieth drawn issues are probably a lot more commercial than the Parsonavich books, incorporating more action and tragically, the death of Bruce.
Bruce did get reintroduced again later in a color one-shot book called Target: Airboy #1 as his consciousness was transferred into a behemoth Toe-Jam Sucking Monster from Atlantis.”
WALLY MONK
Eclipse was one of the leading publishers of indie comics in the 1980s. What was their initial reaction to the hamsters? Did they perceive it as a competitor for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or just a cute spin-off?
DON CHIN
“I had met Eclipse Comics publishers Dean Mullaney and Cat Yronwode at some Bay area conventions in California trying to get OVERLOAD off the ground.
I was surprised when I found out their publishing base was not that far away from where I lived, about 3-4 hours north off Highway 101.
Eclipse only distributed the first two issues of ARBBH; they picked up the title after the second issue.
I think I had sent them photocopies of the first issue we had been working on and I am so grateful they were willing to give Parsonavich and I a shot.
They seemed like a very good fit, as they were really creator-friendly, were laid back, and were publishing a lot of great edgy independent titles when I pitched the Hamsters to them.
All of us were really blown away with the amount of popularity ARBBH took on in such a short time.
I think Eclipse felt ARBBH could be a viable title in its own right, and they really promoted the book to fans and comic store all over the world, so I am very grateful to this day to Dean and Cat, and Dean’s brother Jan, who was also one of the owners of the company.”
* * * *
MONDAY – Hamster weekend concludes with Part 2 of Don Chin’s interview! Dynamite Entertainment licenses the ARBBH…The team-ups that never happened…a FEMALE radioactive hamster, and more! Thank you, Don, for taking the time to share your story with our readers.
Review: Conan the Barbarian #60 – “Riders of the River Dragons!”
Conan #60 – “Riders of the River-Dragons”
(EDITOR’S NOTE:Welcome to Countdown to Conan, a series ringing in the return of Robert E. Howard’s popular Cimmerian to Marvel Comics. Weekly installments will be published until Marvel releases their first issue of the new Conan series. This review is written by Dean Plakas.)
This story begins with the Cimmerian handily defeating members of Belit’s crew in a friendly wrestling competition on the deck of their ship. Belit arrives and challenges Conan to a playful sword fight that develops into something more serious when Conan tells her she has the “fire” but not the “skill”.
He ends the skirmish when she gets reckless and nearly cuts him. Belit questions the Cimmerian if he has ever met a woman who could best a man in sword play – and Conan makes the mistake of mentioning (and speaking highly of) the fighting prowess of Red Sonja. Belit gets jealous and lunges at Conan, who grabs the Shemite hellcat and kisses her. Their romantic interlude is cut short when they learn the ship has arrived at the entrance to the river of death called Zarkheba. Over the course of several days, the galley sails further south to its destination – the home of the Watambi tribe. Belit expects to collect their usual tribute of ivory. They soon learn that the tribe does not have their tribute for Belit because the Riders of the River Dragons, a tribe that tames giant crocodiles, have taken it.
Conan calms a furious Belit down and they stay the night to see if the Watambi’s excuses are true. The Watambi tribesmen perform a frenzied ritual dance, hoping it will give them magical power over the dragon riders. The Cimmerian joins in the ritual dance with Nyami, chief Ombassa’s daughter. Once again we see a jealous, angry reaction from Belit.
N’Yaga, her childhood tutor and shaman, drugs her drink to calm her down. When Conan returns from participating in the dance, he carries her unconscious body into their tent to retire for the evening. During the night, Conan feels the earth tremble and he runs out to witness the dragon riders attack, riding their monstrous crocodiles.
He and N’Yaga help the Watambi tribe to beat back the late night raid. Ombassa and Conan question a dying raider who confesses the dragon riders were there to capture members of the Watambi to use as slaves for Amra. Amra is a legendary wild man whose name means “lion” and is rumored to run with the great cats. Conan returns to the tent to see why the belligerent Belit didn’t join the battle, and realizes his femme fatale has been kidnapped!
CAPSULE REVIEW: This has to be the worst splash page I’ve seen by John Buscema. How in Mitra’s name and why in the name of Crom would he pencil two human heads in the bottom right hand of the corner like that? It’s not like the two men are on a lower level of the ship. You can clearly see in panel one on page three that it’s a one level deck. On the splash page, the two heads in the bottom right hand corner are nearly two heads without bodies; and being that they are on the same floor as the other characters, in terms of perspective, it should be their legs and feet we are seeing not their heads (see the similar panel later in panel one on page eighteen and compare.)
Even if they were knocked down and laying down on the floor they wouldn’t be positioned like that on the splash page. It would have been better had he not drawn them there at all. The cover is disappointing too, as it looks flat. There are some poorly drawn and inked images of Conan. An example is panel six of page six as well as poorly drawn faces of Belit on page eleven; however, there are also some beautiful panels, like panel one on page ten.
It’s a bizarre issue as the artwork is feast or famine, but at least Belit is consistent. She gets furious and jealous several times in this action packed issue over the littlest of things; can’t wait to see her reaction when she learns she’s been kidnapped…
On a scale of 1-10, I’d rate this issue a 7. On eBay, copies were available for $3-5.
“ And this story shall also be told.”-The Wizard in Conan the Barbarian – Dean Plakas
Review – Conan the Barbarian #58 – “Queen of the Black Coast!”
(EDITOR’S NOTE:Welcome to Countdown to Conan, a series ringing in the return of Robert E. Howard’s popular Cimmerian to Marvel Comics. Weekly installments will be published until Marvel releases their first issue of the new Conan series. This review is written by Dean Plakas.)
After some fairly weak stories involving Tara, Yusef and Captain Murilo, we’ve finally arrived at Roy Thomas’ adaptation of one of Robert E. Howard’s most beloved tales, “Queen of the Black Coast.” This particular story ranks up there with “Red Nails” and the “Frost Giant’s Daughter” in the mind of many readers and fans.
While Conan has had more than his fair share of semi-regular lady friends, this issue introduces readers to Belit, the true love of Conan’s life. She’ll stick around until issue #100, where she meets her untimely end in an emotional and riveting double-sized issue.
Belit, Queen of the Black Coast. (SOURCE: Pinterest)
For those of you well-familiar with the story of Belit (SPOILER ALERT!) this issue actually alludes to her death in Conan the Barbarian #100, where the character of Tito proclaims “May I one day see her hanging from a yardarm.”
Strangely, Belit was replaced with Valeria in the 1980 movie “Conan the Barbarian,” which is unusual, since Valeria merely appeared in a few issues of Conan. It’s also humorous to note that Conan isn’t particularly impressed with the she-tiger when he first meets her.
When Tito first informs Conan of her name – and of who and what “Belit” was – Conan isn’t impressed. Even after battling her vicious crew and seeing Tito and his shipmates die at the hands of Belit’s corsairs, Conan still isn’t impressed by her.
When she personally introduces herself to the barbarian, even with her reputation preceding her, Conan responds with a simple “So?”
If you’re unfamiliar with how to pronounce her name (which I always pronounced BEE-lit – Wally) Marvel editorial helps out with a little bit with an editor’s note on page #16, explaining that the creative team always referred to her as “BAY-LEET.”
Review: Conan the Barbarian #58
Riding a horse he stole in town, Conan bolts to the nearby wharf in Argos harbor. He spots a small galley disembarking for sea andleaps aboard the ship. With soldiers in hot pursuit , he demands the captain to shove off or he’ll kill every man on board. The captain, named Tito, orders his oarsmen to shove off, much to the displeasure of the soldiers who can only watch Conan sail away.
Out of danger, Conan introduces himself to Captain Tito and informs Tito that a captain of the guard was killed when heharassed a couple of Conan’s friends. Having been seen with the couple by witnesses, Conan was arrested and hauled into court. He refused to betray the whereabouts of his friends so the judge decreed that Conan rot in jail for contempt of court. Conan knew he had to make a break for it, so he roughed up some guards, freed himself from his shackles [yes, in that order. Hey, he’s Conan…] and took possession of his helmet and sword. Conan killed some guards, and the judge. The Cimmerian made his escape from the remaining authorities by stealing a horse from the high constable.
Tito informs Conan that he was also fleeced by the courts of Argos and that Conan is welcomed aboard his ship of peaceful sailors. Conan agrees to sail with them in their journey south to Kush. Upon landing ashore, they discover the dead bodies of natives from the village he usually trades with. Tito and his companion Conan find more natives murdered and their village on fire. Tito believes this to be the work of pirates of the Tigress, under the command of the Shemite hellcat, The Queen of the Black Coast herself, Bêlit. They leave the razed village and return to the ship where they encounter the Tigressat sea the next day.
The Tigress quickly catches up to Tito’s small galley and despite their valiant effort, Tito and his crew are quickly overrun and killed. Conan puts up a terrific fight, even using bow and arrows (which he hates using because he prefers weapons where it is a man to man fight in close range). Just as the sailors of the Tigress are set to killConan, Bêlit orders her crew to stop as she is intrigued by the Cimmerian. He tells her he is from Argos but she does not believe him. She lets him know she has never seen his like in all of her travels [so we know she’s never been to northern Cimmeria].
Bêlit offers Conan the chance to prove himself against her best warrior, the giant Odongo. If Conan refuses, her crew will kill Conan with spears. Conan accepts this challenge, not only to avoid facing all of those spear tosses but because he saw Odongo kill Tito. They fight and during their battle, Conan tosses Odongo overseas to the sharks.
As the sharks feast, Bêlitpropositions Conan to be her king. He consents and her crew immediately accepts him in his new role. Bêlit introduces Conan to her shaman, N’Yaga, who tends to Conan’s wounds as the cargo of Tito’s ship is pillaged and the ship sunk with its dead aboard.
As the sharks attend to their buffet, the Tigress sails southward. The story ends with Bêlit performing a dance in front of all of the men, even the ones dying form their wounds, and consummatesher new relationship with Conan, the lucky barbarian.
CAPSULE REVIEW: This issue introduces artist Steve Gan, who inks the pencils of John Buscema. There is a lot of beautiful background work in this issue; with great detail but that all seems to disappear in the last few pages. Take a good look at several of the panels on pages 26, 30, and 31.
There is little to zero background work; even the floorboards of the ship have disappeared, replaced with nothing but a solid stroke of color. While on the subject of color, Bêlit is said to be of dark eyes, as she is depicted on the cover, but her eyes are often colored blue in her closeups within the issue. The cover is by John Buscema and John Romita though it looks more of Romita’s work than Buscema.
Again, there are a number of historical inaccuracies. As often pointed out, Conan is supposed to be living circa 10,000 BC. Often pointed out, and evidently often overlooked……
For instance, the splash page. We see Conan riding hard on a stolen horse. The soldiers are not far behind him as he rides upright in his saddle–wait! what?? Whoooooaa horsey! Whhooooooaaaa! Saddle?? The earliest known appearance of saddle-like equipment first appeared around 700 BC, in use by the Assyrian cavalry.
Another example is on page 19, panel two, arrows bounce off of Conan’s armor…how lucky for him, especially since the kind of chest armor he is wearing hadn’t been invented yet and wouldn’t be for thousands of years. Then there’s the sailing ships in the harbor and The Tigress itself. All are beautifully illustrated. If you know an archaeologist please DO NOT show him or her this issue…because the first sign of sailing ships appeared around 3500 BC and not 10,000 BC.
I’m looking forward to a future issue where Conan returns to the cold north and rides a snowmobile to the local ski lift. Perhaps he can order lobster at the lodge through an app on his cell phone while he takes scenic pictures with his Kodak camera as he skis down the mountain.
CROM!
CREATIVE TEAM FOR CONAN THE BARBARIAN #58
On a scale of 1-10, I’d give this issue a 7. On eBay, copies were available for less than $10. CGC-graded copies in 9.6 or better began with starting bids of $95 or more.
“ And this story shall also be told.”-The Wizard in Conan the Barbarian
Review: Savage Sword of Conan #70 – “Dweller in the Depths!”
Savage Sword of Conan #70 “Dweller in the Depths!”
(EDITOR’S NOTE: TheCountdown to Conancontinues – with Savage Sword! Because our readers asked for it, Paint Monk’s Library will be featuring occasional Savage Sword of Conan reviews during our Countdown event. This review written by Troy Chrisman.)
“Where in the name of Ishtar is everyone?”
The thought of the lively town of Meshken has driven Conan the Barbarian on a weary slog down dusty trails and through lonely nights. Meshken, teaming with sights, sounds, drink, food and a firm leg has been anticipated by the flagging rider.
But the Meshken the Cimmerian finds is anything but alive – it appears to be a ghost town. Devoid of man, Conan does find a cask of drink in the abandoned tavern. And as he exits the bar, the Cimmerian finds the town may be devoid of man, but not devoid of women. An angry crowd of females surround him, brandishing rocks and sticks.
“Crush the demon, flay his hide!” one screams as rocks, granite and flint fill the air and pelt off the barbarian’s head and defending arms. Conan yells for the crowd to halt, but the pelting continues. As he unsheathes his sword and contemplates altering his rule about harming women, a powerful voice rings out over the throng – Fhala, a female warrior calls for the attack to cease while asking the women of the town where their men had gone.
“Are you indeed a demon, muscular one?
The women of Meshken call Conan a were-demon and blame him for dragging their men away and slaying them. Conan claims his Cimmerian blood and says he has just set foot in the town. Fhala chooses to test his word with a lashing from her bullwhip, hoping to dispel a demon with a tell-tale crack. But Conan grabs the high strike and pulls Fhala from her horse, whip first. The warrior lands in the Cimmerian’s brawny arms and he places a condescending kiss firmly on her lips before promptly dropping her to the ground and riding away.
Conan doesn’t ride far when Fhala catches up with him a few miles from town. This time, the female warrior gives a lesson in the lash as she tangles barbarian boots, pulling him to the ground and delivering her own kiss as the Cimmerian lays untangling an impossible knot.
A lesson in the lash!
Fhala takes Conan to her house and tells him how the men in Meshken have only disappeared in the past two weeks, driven to the woods by what the women claim is a mythical beast “singing” from the woods that only they can hear. Fhala tells Conan she has only been in town for a month, seeking her father who had vanished from Khauran and was last seen near Meshken.
Fhala plans to visit Castle Vhalken to ask the province’s king what he knows about the missing men and her father. But first things first… and “first” she beds a certain Cimmerian.
The pair ride to Castle Valken and see the rumored “picture of wealth and excess” is crumbled, ramshackle and with a threadbare guard. The king sits on a lowly throne in a sparse chamber. The king shows the visitors his treasure room and tells how more and more of it disappears each night, despite thick walls and posted guard. Fhala introduces herself and the king bristles at her father’s name, calling for the guards.
“Guards! Seize her!”
While Conan and Fhala search for the exit, her sense of misdirection guides them in circles and to more and more guards. Trapped, Conan grabs the female warrior and hops the castle wall, plunging into the moat. After making their escape and camping for the night, Conan wakes to find his companion missing.
Conan follows a high-pitched ringing and finds Fhala staring at a black earthen tower in the middle of a pond. She has heard the “singing” and wishes to venture to the tower.
“They’re eating me alive!”
As the pair wade into the pond, they see a large stag struggling to stay upright. He is covered in ants! Hundreds of ants pour over him and soon crawl onto the screaming Fhala. Conan, beset with his own swarm, pushes both he and Fhala underwater to rid them of the infestation. The stag is not so lucky and stripped to bare bones by the pincered army.
The high-pitched singing wails again and through the dense undergrowth a parade of shambling men trudge past the hidden pair. Each man carries a heavy white sack as they shamble forward mindlessly through the pond to a common direction. They make for the tower as a door opens, the ants letting them pass unmolested. Conan singles out a lagging zombie, and finds it takes more than a simple blow to dispatch. Locked in an unexpected battle for his life, the Barbarian turns to his steel, skewering the husk-like antagonist. The zombie merely smiles and sinks his rotten teeth into the Cimmerian’s exposed shoulder. Finally, the barbarian grabs the leathered face and wrenches the entire head free from the sinewy body. As he tosses the head free, the body falls with ants pouring from the fresh wound. “
The body of the menacing zombie is filled with ants!
Gathering themselves from the horror and realization of ants controlling the men’s actions, the pair look to seek out what is at the heart of this grotesque community. They enter the tower and while exploring, a pair of hands clasp the Barbarian’s throat.
Conan stands face to face with a hideous manlike creature with the head and pincers of an ant! It indeed bleeds as a man as a swipe of the sword cleaves its grotesque head from its shoulders. Fhala wants to leave the tunnel, but Conan soldiers them on, plunging deeper into the depths below. The tunnels open to a yawning cavern, and a sickening sight that reels the senses. In the center of the chamber is a huge, misshapen creature with the head and arms of a woman, but the inflated torso of a giant, wormlike being. Scores of the ant-headed humanoids gather about her and eggs spew forth from the thing’s massive lower body – enough eggs to populate an army of the insectoid beasts.
Eggs spew forth from the massive thing’s lower body.
As they view the mind-numbing scene in the cavern, the pair hear a human voice in a side tunnel. Fhala’s father is tied to a post, surrounded by more of the antlike warriors. The barbarian jumps into the fray, killing the four guards in short order. Now freed, Fhala’s father explains that it is indeed his wife, Fhala’s once beautiful mother, Meara, giving birth to the sickening creatures in the cavern.
The woman had dreams of power and wealth and longed for sons to follow her into battle. She left Fhala and her father and ventured forth to Castle Vhalken, finding favor with the king. The king had his current queen executed to be with Meara. But he, too was unable to satiate her desire for sons. Fhala’s father raised her to be a warrior skilled in the whip and began to search for his wife once the training was complete. He found and reunited with his wife, only to be discovered by King Vhalken and lashed to stakes and left out on a tiny island populated by an army of ants.
“Even then this twisted plan must have been forming in her mind.”
The ants did not feed on Fhala’s parents, rather they saw Meara as a replacement for their recently deceased queen and dragged both humans into the earth. While they kept Fhala’s father alive by feeding him, the ants also fed Meara, turning her into the bloated, misshapen creature Conan and his companion had seen in the chamber. Even more sickening, the ants had been keeping Fhala’s father alive to mate with their new “queen.” This union resulted in a child Meara named Thok. A child she described as growing fast from a special food that one day will lead her ant swarm into battle.
Fhala’s father had never seen “the first child,” but had heard it. He also knew it was growing and Meara planned to let it lead an assault on King Vhalken and his castle.
Conan, Fhala and her father try to escape the tunnels, but their path leads above Meara’s cavern and she spots them. Like daughter, father has no sense of direction and the trio appear trapped. Conan spots dripping water from a crack in the ceiling and realizes they are directly underneath the river. As he plunges his sword into the crevice, the ceiling caves in, flooding the tunnels with a crushing wave, sweeping the ant lair with it. The queen’s chamber fills and she and her hybrid warriors drown.
The humanoid ant-queen meets a watery end.
As the three survivors escape the tower and lock the door, the earth is shaken as chunks fall from the edifice, revealing a golden, gleaming statue to Meara as a great warrior – a monument built by her six-legged army. Conan is mesmerized by the statue, but not for its beauty, rather its literal weight in gold. As he climbs toward the towering bounty, the rock again shakes loose as multi-legged monstrosity belches forth from below.
“Thok!”
The first son has crawled from the rubble of his queen mother’s nest. A full 20 feet taller than the barbarian, Thok stalks Conan as the barbarian flails failed attack after attack off its chitinous hide. Conan is snatched up by the powerful mandibles, with only a stray rock preventing him from being crushed. As the jaws squeeze and ribs begin to crack, Conan readies one final stab, plunging his sword into one of Thok’s massive eyes. It is enough to relax the monster’s jaws and hurl the barbarian free. As he readies for another onslaught from the giant insectoid, the statue of Meara shakes and topples onto Thok, squashing him flat as the barbarian lunges for safety in the pool.
Conan emerges from the water to a hug from Fhala and the island vanishes as it sinks into the pool. Maybe it was all just a dream… or a nightmare.
The ant-hill and island slide into the depths of the pool.
CAPSULE REVIEW: This was a very odd tale and one the Paint Monk requested that I review. It had almost a Lovecraftian theme to it – foul deals with even fouler beings, with the most foul of creatures the offspring. The story itself had much to it with betrayal of the husband and king along with a power mad hunger to rule. The part I didn’t enjoy was the juvenile dialog between Fhala and Conan with the barbarian being treated more like a sex-starved teen. Also, the comedic bit about Fhala and her father having no sense of direction got old fast.
But let’s take this one for when it works best – Conan crawls into a creepy, ant-filled lair while killing a zombie, slicing ant-headed men and finally facing a giant beast he carves his way out of its jaws. Oh, and irony and karma rear their heads when the shiny statue of his mother squashes the life out of Thok.
I give this one a 7 out of 10. The artwork is fantastic, and I enjoyed the creepiness of the story. The zombies and ant men were weird enough to prickle the hairs on our barbarian’s neck and the earth-shattering battle with Thok is tailor-made for large, splashy artwork. I also liked Fhala, even though she never made another appearance.
As for the hybrid race of ant men and zombies filled with thousands of six-legged crawlers, well, swords & sorcery or even horror isn’t about logic – it’s about spinning a good tale. And sometimes what is, simply is. And the illogical sticks with us a good while longer…
September 14th, 2018 UncategorizedComments Off on A Trip To Messantia, A Trial & An Old Soothsayer
Review: Conan the Barbarian #57 – “Incident in Argos!”
Conan #57 – “A Barbarian Chained!”
(EDITOR’S NOTE:
Welcome to Countdown to Conan,
a series ringing in the return of Robert E. Howard’s popular
Cimmerian to Marvel Comics. We’ll be reviewing issues of Marvel’s
original Conan the
Barbarian series weekly
until Marvel releases their first new Conan comic books in 2019. This
review is written by Bob
Freeman.)
Proudly displayed
on the cover are the words — Winner of the Academy Award for Best
Comic-Mag – and still
the World’s Most Savage Hero!
The “Academy
Award” refers to the short-lived Academy of Comic Book Arts
and their ACBA Award, also known as the Shazam! – the actual statue is a lightning bolt. The 1974 Awards, handed out in 1975, honored Conan the Barbarian as the Best Continuing Feature (beating out Man-Thing and the Tomb of Dracula.) John Buscema won for Best
Penciler (Dramatic Division) and there were also nominations for Tom
Palmer as Best Inker (Dramatic Division), Roy Thomas as Best Writer
(Dramatic Division), and for Roy and Barry Windsor-Smith for their
adaptation of Howard’s “Red Nails”.
While this issue describes it as
“freely adapted from an episode by Robert E. Howard,” what it
doesn’t say is that technically this begins the adaptation of “Queen of the Black Coast,” a story that many regard as the best of the
Conan tales.
Review: Conan the Barbarian #57
Conan, Tara, and Yusef arrive in
Messantia looking for mercenary work only to learn that Argos and
Stygia had signed a peace treaty. This puts Conan in a foul mood and he worries that once their gold runs out, he’ll be forced back into a
life of thievery.
The three soon come into conflict with
members of the King’s Guard. Trying to blend in as Messentian
citizenry, Tara is stripped of her fool’s garb and dressed as a
lady, much to her chagrin.
Later, after the Cimmerian visits an
armorer, two guards ambush Conan and try to sell him into slavery.
This does not end well for them. Conan, free and on the run, hides in
the house of Momratha, a soothsayer of renown. She shows him visions
of his future — of a life as a pirate, of his crucifixion, a
beautiful woman, and him as a king on a throne — but she also shows
him the present where he sees Yusef kill the Captain of the King’s
Guard who had harassed Tara earlier. The last of the vision shows
them fleeing into the night.
Conan races from the witch’s shack,
hoping to aid his friends, but when he arrives at the Black Boar Inn
he is captured and put on trial, but the barbarian has had enough.
The barbarian fights his way out of the courthouse, killing the
corrupt judge Ephemero Portus on his way out and stealing the horse
of the High Constable.
As Tara and Yusef watch from the deep
shadows of a nearby alley, Conan spurs his pilfered steed intent on
escaping the city.
CAPSULE REVIEW: This was a great Conan story, fleshing
out the events prior to “Queen of the Black Coast” and bringing that
tale into sync with the Marvel Comics chronology. Roy Thomas writes
with flare and the action is fast-paced, propelled by the work of a
guest artist, the legendary Mike Ploog.
Ploog inked his own pencils and there
is a real kinetic energy to the work. He lays down a smooth, thick
line that gives real weight to the character. While I am solidly a
Buscema fan, it was a thrill to see Mike Ploog, one of my favorite
illustrators, tackle my favorite literary character. This issue was
colored by Phil Rachelson and it was interesting to see how those
colors meshed with such a different ink style. I really liked the look of the issue.
It had great flow and really set up the coming “Queen of the Black
Coast” arc.
The cover was by Gil Kane and Vince
Colletta. Colletta’s inks look so good over Kane’s pencils, and
this was a stellar, poster-style cover that would look amazing in a
number of different mediums.
All-in-all a brilliant issue, with the
promise of even better to come. On a scale of 1-10,
I’d rate this issue a 9. On eBay, this issue was
readily available for less than $10.
Alba Gu Brath – BF
(aka The Occult Detective)
September 12th, 2018 UncategorizedComments Off on Mad Jakk, A Bat Creature & A City That Crumbles!
Review: Conan the Barbarian #56 – “The Thing From the Tower!”
Conan #56 – “The Thing From the Tower!”
(EDITOR’S NOTE:Welcome to Countdown to Conan, a series ringing in the return of Robert E. Howard’s popular Cimmerian to Marvel Comics. Weekly installments will be published until Marvel releases their first issue of the new Conan series. This review is written by Dean Plakas.)
In this issue, Conan and his companions – young Yusef and the even younger Tara – are on the road between Ophir and Messentia where they encounter a giant, shining city surrounded by a mist in the middle of nowhere. The city is not on any maps they have seen, none of them had ever heard of its existence in the area before. More strangely, none of them have ever seen it before although they had passed by this area in the past. They know they are walking into danger, as their horses refuse to move forward into the city and as Conan’s instincts are echoing the horses’ sense of danger.
Upon entering the city Conan notices that everyone is a fighting man – they are all male. No children, no women, nor even a merchant appear to inhabit the city. Conan and his allies are observed by the warriors from all lands with disinterest, arousing further suspicion from the Cimmerian. Suddenly, a mysterious woman appears, and Conan finds himself falling for her beauty. Out of nowhere, a man sized bat creature flies from the sky! It snatches the woman and takes her to a high tower.
A furious Conan scolds the men of the city who ignored her cries for help. The Cimmerian and his young friends head to the tower, and once inside, they split up and take two different passageways. Conan shows his brute strength as he rips steel bars blocking his path to the bat creature and the kidnapped damsel. Meanwhile, Tara and Yusef encounter Mad Jakk, a deformed man chained to a chair, who begs them to release him.
As Conan fights the bat-creature, his every blow has repercussions on the whole city!. When Conan defeats the monster, it turns into dust, along with the woman it abducted. He further notices that the tower is now crumbling down around him. He departs to rendezvous with his youthful companions.
The entire city and its inhabitants dissolves into dust as they flee! Before the city dissolves into oblivion, Conan spots a disfigured form at the top of one of the remaining towers. His companions then reveal to Conan their encounter with Mad Jakk. He was a sorcerer who had magically created the city long ago, wanting to live far away from a society that shunned him. The magical city developed a life of its own, vanishing away from reality, but it would appear when it sensed lone warriors nearby.
When it did, it would lure a lone warrior into the city with the bat-beast and beautiful woman as bait, attempting to increase the population of the town. A warrior would be cursed to become an inhabitant of this city once he was defeated by the bat-creature, which represented the wizard’s creation. It appears that the more warriors it claimed the stronger the city became. When he defeated the bat-creature (the city itself), Conan caused its very foundations to crumble.
The newly freed Mad Jakk finished the job of destroying the city, losing his own life in the process. This strange ordeal over, the companions get back on their horses and continue their journey onward to the city of Messantia.
CAPSULE REVIEW: I really like the cover of this issue. It is well composed, illustrated by none other than master Conan artist John Buscema. What caught my eye the most about the cover is that you can see the Tower beginning to crumble on the right with no sign of anything hitting it. The foreshadowing is subtle and well executed.
The artwork inside is beautifully rendered although you can clearly see some panels where Pablo Marco’s inks overwhelm the penciling of John Buscema. It’s something we will see again when Tony DeZuniga inks future issues of Conan Buscema pencils. This is not to say that I don’t appreciate the collaboration with these inkers, because I really do like them. I would love to own original pages of this type of finished art some day. My criticism is only to point out the different styles – they often add to the pencil work, but sometimes an inking style can overwhelm the original art.
As for the story, meh! You can take it or leave it. It’s one of those “filler” stories or “one-shots” that I really have no problem with as long as they somehow change a character, show a new dimension to a character, or have a moral lesson to be learned. In this issue, we see the romantic side of Conan again as he is willing to come to a fair maiden’s rescue even though he doesn’t know her. We see the Cimmerian in action because of his code of honor in defending the defenseless – not bad for a “savage barbarian.” The lesson here is not to be cruel or bully a disfigured person – especially a sorcerer – for he will exact revenge and you will get your comeuppance. Well, that and if your horse gets the life scared out of it, take a hint at the bad omen and find another route pronto. Trust your horse! Remember, knowing is half the battle!
On a scale of 1-10, I give this issue an 8. On eBay, copies of this issue were available for less than $5.
“And this story shall also be told.” -The Wizard in Conan the Barbarian
– Dean Plakas
September 11th, 2018 UncategorizedComments Off on UPDATE 2 – Paint Monk CBCS Submission
Paint Monk’s Library Follows a CBCS Submision Through The Process
(EDITOR’S NOTE:Follow Wally Monk’s first submission to CBCS…and see if they live up to the hype, or if you’re better off using a different service.)
Woo-hoo! Second time was a charm. My friend (who submitted the book on my behalf) received the following response from CBCS in response to the inquiry of yesterday:
Hi XXXXX, If you are concerned on when your books from a convention are being entered into the system orders received at the shows will be backdated to the Wednesday following the convention, however it may take up to 3-5 weeks of processing time for standard tier submissions (Modern, Expanded, and Consumer) before the invoice is placed into the system. This is also when we will charge the card on file. No worries though, you will not lose any turnaround time from this part of the process. Unfortunately, many orders have fallen behind the estimated 8-12 week window for our standard tiers (Modern, Expanded, and Consumer), and are currently 4-6 weeks behind. We do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused, and are working endlessly to ensure that we work through our backlog as fast as we can so that your order is returned to you as soon as possible. Fast Passed orders along with 2-Day and 1-Day tiers are on time and should have no delay. If you would like to know the estimated due out date of the submission you placed at the show, we ask you to use this calculator to gauge what the estimated due out date would be. Barring the current delay, this should be accurate.
For inquiries on orders already submitted, For inquiries on orders already submitted, please check in on your account dashbord. Thank you for your patience and understanding, The CBCS team.
That’s still a long time to wait, but at least communication is there. Pretty good for a company that’s in the middle of a major move with a huge backlog.
Will continue to keep everyone posted. So far, some minor struggles due to them being busy, but not nearly as bad as some people are experiencing in their forum threads.
As always, I am – Wally (AKA Paint Monk)
(To follow other articles on Paint Monk’s CBCS submission, please click here.)
September 11th, 2018 UncategorizedComments Off on UPDATE 1 – Paint Monk Submission to CBCS
Paint Monk’s Library Follows A Submission through the CBCS process
(EDITOR’S NOTE:Follow Wally Monk’s first submission to CBCS…and see if they live up to the hype, or if you’re better off using a different service.)
Today I sent off a friendly reminder email to CBCS customer service. I know they’re busy, but it’s been five days with no response. If I don’t hear anything in another 7 days, I’ll send a third reminder.
Please keep in mind I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and know they are busy with a cross-country move.
As always, I am – Wally (AKA Paint Monk)
(For previous posts on this submission, please click here.)
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