“Conan and his silent companion are outside a mysterious city where everyone – and everything – appears frozen in time. The pair soon learns the frozen citizens are the victims of a long-standing feud between a wizard and his maligned apprentice. Can our Cimmerian set them free and end this ages-old dispute?”

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to The Classic Conan Countdown, a series of reviews focusing on the original 275 issues of Marvel Comics’ Conan the Barbarian, which were published from 1970 to 1993. This is a review of Conan the Barbarian (Vol. 1) #122.)

By WALLY MONK — Paint Monk’s Library Editor

I didn’t realize just how “off” the Conan stories of popular writer J.M.DeMatteis were until I picked up Conan the Barbarian #122. If it were not for the sake of completeness and the Classic Conan Countdown, I would have put the issue down within the first few pages.

In truth, I’d rather finish reading Tini Howard’s Age of Conan: Belit mini-series than have read this mess (Ok, perhaps not). But this is an issue full of tired tropes, ones we’ve seen many times before in the preceding 121 issues.

Repetitive plot points aside, there’s something not quite natural about DeMatteis’ Conan. He’s oddly different from the character that Roy Thomas and John Buscema worked extremely hard to create. In this issue, Conan enters a city where all of the citizens appear to be “frozen” in time – and he doesn’t leave.

I can imagine Thomas’ Conan walking into the city and saying something along the lines of “By Crom, there’s foul magic afoot. I’d rather choke down the carcass of a street rat and sleep on a bed of granite than battle more flamboyant wizards and their hellspawn sorcery.“

But enough negativity! DeMatteis is truly a gifted storyteller, and his stories, if they weren’t labeled Conan tales, would be quite good pieces of high fantasy. The author is one of many comic writers – and book writers for that matter – who wouldn’t quite grasp all the nuances that make our Cimmerian a legacy character.

And with these caveats, I present to you Conan the Barbarian #122.

Review: Conan the Barbarian (Vol. 1) #122

As the flying pegasi (Conan the Barbarian #121) disappear, Conan and his mute companion Atreah find themselves wandering the foothills for days, hungry and tired. The pair spot a bird, which Atreah brings down with a large rock. At least the pair will have food for the night.

Their meal is interrupted by an Ophirian-speaking man on horseback who nearly bowls the duo over, and Conan promptly unseats him and demands an explanation. The bewildered man explains that he has come from the nearby city of Pergona and that it is cursed, warning Conan and Atreah to stay as far from the city as possible.

The barbarian and his companion make their way to Pergona, and are surprised that the guardsman at the gate stands unmoving like a statue. Upon entering the city, they discover that all of the citizens are stuck in place in the same manner, save two young boys frolicking and making light of the situation as they steal and run roughshod through the marketplace, even kissing a frozen damsel as they pass by.

Conan and his companion put the youths in check, and soon the new quartet continues exploring the city. All the while, menacing eyes leer at them from the safety of a darkened doorway.

Without warning, the entire crowd in the marketplace begins to attack Conan and his entourage! As they make their escape, the young boys spot a teary-eyed little girl in the crowd, and as they run away, they take her along, hoping to find her home and rescue her from the mob.

Finding their way into an elaborate palace, they stumble across a dwarf, who reclines on a dais like royalty, who greets them all, suggesting that one of them is a being named “Shuin Shann”.

Who is this mysterious dwarf? Why are the citizens of Pergona frozen like statues and apparently under mind-control? And who or what is “Shuin Shann”?

CAPSULE REVIEW: In this day and age of a “woke” and more sensitive culture, the cover dialogue proclaiming “Conan toppled by a Midget Magus!” wouldn’t have made it past the copy desk, let alone final layouts. Never mind that some might find it insensitive – it’s just dumb. Alliteration is great, but Conan isn’t a “funny book”. That headline text would have been better suited for an issue of Groo the Wanderer.

DeMatteis’ story is a valiant effort, and it might have worked in an old issue of Creatures on the Loose featuring Lin Carter’s Thongor. Magic may be commonplace there, but Conan’s world is far darker and more gritty.

John Buscema tries his best, as do Bob McLeod and George Roussos, to maintain the continuity of artwork – but it’s stymied at all points by the scripting and storytelling. Something just isn’t right in these issues. The best way I can explain it is to make a comparison.

Take a typical mainstream paperback novel, for example. When you open the book, you expect the Times Roman font. It’s easy to read, and the last dozen novels you’ve consumed all share that in common.

But imagine if you picked up a novel and suddenly it was written using a calligraphy font or something really bold like Impact. The story might be good, the pages might be laid out the same way, but somehow, it would just seem different. Perhaps a little alien. And that’s how DeMatteis’ Conan seems, and it’s glaringly obvious in this issue.

On a scale of 1-10, I’d give this issue a 4. Pick it up only if you’re a completist, you’re definitely not missing much.

“Conan feels a brooding and malevolent presence watching him from the darkness, and he’s in no mood to celebrate despite recently reuniting with a long lost flame. As the mysterious entity from the shadows reveals itself, our barbarian is drawn into an interdimensional confrontation by a member of his own family!”

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to The Classic Conan Countdown, a series of reviews focusing on the original 275 issues of Marvel Comics’ Conan the Barbarian, which were published from 1970 to 1993. Installments of the countdown appear weekly on Wednesdays. This is a review of Conan the Barbarian (Vol. 1) #119.)

By WALLY MONK — Paint Monk’s Library Editor

J.M. DeMatteis’ run on Conan continues in this issue, and somehow, his take on the Cimmerian just seems off. DeMatteis is an extremely talented writer, but as other Librarians have mentioned here, he just never seems to get the nuances of Conan to shine through in his work.

Perhaps following in the shoes of Rascally Roy Thomas was a daunting task, or possibly readers had become too familiar and comfortable with Thomas’ style. But from my perspective, DeMatteis just tried too hard and failed to connect with the concept of sword-and-sorcery. Much of the writer’s work on Conan seemed to cross the line of high fantasy, and there are stark differences in the two (albeit similar) genres.

The one thing consistent about Conan – at least for a few more issues – is the artwork of John Buscema, inked here by Buscema and Bob McLeod. It’s that consistency that makes this an enjoyable tale, although this particular story might have been better if it were written for a generic fantasy hero.

Review: Conan the Barbarian (Vol. 1) #119

Conan, reunited with his long-lost femme fatale Jenna, observes the celebrations in a local city following his defeat of Myya L’rrasleff (see Conan the Barbarian #118). But the barbarian is in no mood to celebrate, as he later reveals that he’s felt a presence watching him from the darkness.

Jenna wants to participate in the revelry; Conan does not, so she bids him adieu until a drunken patron wantonly makes a pass at her. Instead of enjoying the company of the intoxicated sot, she pursues Conan, and soon the pair are sitting at a campfire outside of town. Jenna promptly passes out from too much wine.

Conan reminisces about his grandfather Drogin, one of the few people for whom the Cimmerian becomes emotional. Drogin, he recalls, was a strong man who taught him how to fight and how to survive. The barbarian remembers Drogin walking into the snowy Cimmerian wastes to die as he approached old age. Conan even stifles a tear, glad that Jenna is not awake to observe his reactions or hear his emotional talk.

As Conan sits by the fire alone, the presence reveals itself. A middle-aged man appears, claiming to be none other than Drogin himself. The Cimmerian, always distrustful of magic, accuses the stranger of being a demon-spawn or wood-sprite. But within a few moments, Conan realizes that this person is indeed his long lost grandfather.

Grandpa came back for a reason, though, as Conan soon learns. Drogin tells Conan that he must follow him to the “place where he dwells” and leads the Cimmerian to a shimmering portal. Our barbarian, sensing that Drogin is truly his grandfather, listens to the demanding tone of his elder and obeys.

On the other side of the portal, Conan and Drogin enter a nightmarish dimension where reality seems to shift. The pair eventually find themselves in a luxurious palace and throne room, where a morbidly obese man named Ravenna is seated.

As Drogin begins to speak, Conan learns how Ravenna saved his grandfather from death in the frozen wastes and instead gave him a new life in the strange dimension where he knew luxury and every pleasure possible. But now, it seems Drogin wishes to be released from this life – and has selected Conan as the one who will fight for his freedom.

Who will Conan have to fight for the release of his grandfather to the oblivion he so desperately seeks? Or is something far more sinister afoot at the hands of the barbarian’s long lost relative and the bulbous Ravenna?

CAPSULE REVIEW: Well, before I even try to critique the story, the premise here is troubling. Conan is no fool when it comes to magic, and this is where “the J.M. Dematteis thing” I was talking about comes into play. There is no way – evidence or not – that Conan would follow his dead-but-now-living grandfather through a magical portal. It would be tough to get Conan to follow his living grandfather into such a thing had he never perished in the first place! Despite several attempts by the author to justify Conan’s behavior in the narrative, I just don’t buy it as a reader.

The ending to the story is a common trope and the manner in which DeMatteis arrives at the finale is troubling, rather cliche, and in full disclosure, sadly uninteresting. It’s clear the author may have lifted the plot here from Conan the Barbarian #1, (SPOILER ALERT!) where the Cimmerian is destined to be a new host for a different, otherworldly entity. This time around, the tale fails badly.

Gird your proverbial loins, as we have 11 more such issues to shuffle through before a new scribe applies his writing hand to the Conan title. Thankfully, some of the upcoming issues are salvaged by the fantastic artwork of Gil Kane.

To reiterate, my criticism of writer DeMatteis is not that he is incapable; on the contrary, he has a sizeable comics resume, is well-respected, and very talented. This has been proven in much of his other work, including Marvel’s The Defenders and Captain America as well as DC’s Justice League. He just doesn’t tackle Conan well at all.

On a scale of 1-10, I’d rate this issue a 5. If it were a generic barbarian and not a Conan story, I’d bump that up to a 6.5.

“In Marvel’s first Conan outing in over a decade without legendary scribe Roy Thomas, we encounter a tale of Conan as a desert captive. Rasto, a wandering nomad, has captured the Cimmerian and intends to sell him at the slave market in Shadizar. But our barbarian’s captivity will not last long…”

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to The Classic Conan Countdown, a series of reviews focusing on the original 275 issues of Marvel Comics’ Conan the Barbarian, which were published from 1970 to 1993. This is a review of Conan the Barbarian (Vol. 1) #116.)

By WALLY MONK – Paint Monk’s Library Editor

One would think that the absence of fantasy’s most prominent comic book writer would have warranted some fanfare (or perhaps a eulogy) from Marvel Comics at the time. Instead, the first issue where Roy Thomas is not at the writing helm has an interesting – and rather unusual – history.

The story, written by Len Wein and J.M. DeMatteis, was originally part of a book and record set by Power Records in 1976. The company put out a large number of these, which include a comic book and a 45 RPM record, telling kids “It’s fun to read as you hear! The ACTION comes alive!” 

Conan wasn’t the only comic book character to get the book-and-record treatment. Other properties included Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, (Tomb of) Dracula, Space: 1999, Frankenstein, Man-Thing, Star Trek, Justice League of America and Batman. 

Some major changes were made to the comic book; pages 1-3 were added and drawn by John Buscema. Pages 4-22 were taken from the book and record set and were drawn by Buscema and Neal Adams. 

“The Crawler in the Mists!” wasn’t the only Conan story to receive the book-and-record treatment. A larger 33 1/2 RPM album (pictured above) was made containing FOUR classic Conan stories, with Crawler included. For those of you who enjoy reading comics with commentary, I’ve included the videos below to all of the stories on YouTube (full audio.) Engage your inner child, dig Conan the Barbarian #116 out of your long box, and follow along! 

REVIEW: Conan the Barbarian (Vol. 1) #116

This tale begins with an all too familiar scene – Conan is on his horse riding through the desert, when the horse is spooked by a venomous snake lying in wait in the sand. As the horse throws Conan, the viper bites him, and we’re treated to a full page of Conan trying to suck the venom from the wound to no avail – the Cimmerian collapses and all fades to black.  

Conan awakens on the back of a camel, chained to a wiry man named Rasto. When Conan inquires where he is going, Rasto informs him that Conan is his slave. He’s bound for the market in Shadizar, City of the Wicked, where Conan will bring a tidy sum on the slave block. Whatever in the world made this tiny little man think that chaining himself to Conan was a bright idea remains to be seen.

Rasto’s plan – obviously – turns out to be not so sharp as Conan yanks the merchant off his horse and makes short work of the remaining caravan members. Soon, it’s Conan and Rasto (whom Conan calls “little worm”) wandering through the desert on the back of a lone camel. The merchant tells Conan that he’ll be on his way once he’s freed from the chain that binds the two together – but Conan says the only way is to take off Rasto’s wrist. The merchant, of course, declines Conan’s generous offer.  

They finally arrive at a city called Kamalla, where Conan inquires of a local villager where he might find a blacksmith to break apart the chain which binds him to Rasto. The villager tells him to leave the city while he still can. 

As the duo continues making their way through the city, they find doors slammed and windows being closed as they ride through town. Conan eventually decides to bed down for the night in the town square, since no one offers to open their doors to the Cimmerian and his companion. 

Conan is jerked awake in the middle of the night by a monstrous force and the screaming of Rasto, who has been grabbed by what seems to be a giant slug! Rasto is pulled away from Conan with so much force that the chain binding them is snapped in two, like thread.

As Conan tries to fight the giant slug, it slithers off into darkness and rising mists which begin to fill the town. Soon, Conan loses sight of the creature, but another takes its place, attacking the barbarian.  

Conan wastes no time, attacking the second slug-beast with his sword, only to discover the slug’s hide is as hard as a diamond! Finding a loose column, Conan manages to force the monolith down on top of the creature, ending its life.

With the second slug dead, Conan follows the sound of shuffling and Rasto’s voice, only to find the old merchant held in the slug’s embrace. As Conan moves to the attack, Rasto calls out that the Cimmerian mustn’t harm the creature, as he doesn’t understand what it is doing.  

Conan, confused, continues to attack, but is interrupted by a voice thundering in his mind, paralyzing him where he stands. The slug is a wizard named M’Najj, a great sorcerer from another dimension. The slug Conan slew was his mate. Apparently, the two traveled to Hyboria from their own dimension, taking the old and infirm of Kamallah to repopulate their own dimension. There, the humans were given new and peaceful lives. Conan watches as Rasto is sent to this dimension, and sees the merchant with a new, healthy body, approaching a paradise of which he could only dream. 

M’Najj tells the troubled Conan that since he is a barbaric, dangerous creature, he has no room in this new world. Sadly, the barbarian rides, “leaving the gates of paradise and the city in the desert far behind him.”  

CAPSULE REVIEW: This was a good issue, and the record that accompanied the earlier release is of high quality. I’d recommend picking up the book-and-record version if you can. While many old themes are borrowed for this issue, it’s certainly clear that Conan would remain a viable hero for Marvel, despite the change in writing teams.

The art remains good, and if you weren’t a regular reader, you probably wouldn’t notice many changes.

On a scale of 1-10, I’d rate this issue a 7.5. On eBay, copies of this issue (the regular series) were available for less than $10. Copies of the book and record set ranged from $9.99 to $24.99 depending on condition.  

As always, I am – Wally (AKA Paint Monk)